With both major political parties supporting Puerto Rico’s self-determined move toward full statehood, the much-maligned District of Columbia voting rights movement has taken a new and different tack. D.C. residents, who pay more in total federal taxes than 19 of 50 states and more per person than any state, have
been repeatedly frustrated in their efforts to obtain any representation in Congress, in spite of many attempts over a period of more than 50 years. In an apparent contradiction to the outspoken support for Puerto Rico, even a number of Democrats oppose efforts for D.C. representation.
As a result, non-voting representative Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-DC) and House speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) have negotiated a surprise deal in which Congress would retain its absolute and supreme authority over the 620,000 unrepresented residents of D.C., who, in exchange, will no longer pay federal taxes.
“I hope this will put an end to all the fuss”, said Boehner. “Statehood was always a preposterous idea, and a job killer; anything that increases government bureaucracy is going to hurt jobs. By contrast, eliminating the $20 billion burden that our government has placed on productive businesses and individuals in the District will stimulate jobs and result in untold benefits for our ailing economy.”
Senator Max Baucus (D-Mont.), who has opposed all voting rights for D.C. because it would reduce Montana’s share of power, supports the new proposal. So does Rep. Trent Flanks (R-Az.), who sponsored H.R. 3803, the "District of Columbia
Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act" and has campaigned against the ban on assault weapons. “I don’t like the idea of giving them back their tax dollars”, Flanks said, “but the people of Arizona need to maintain their control over the District. Otherwise they do crazy things like spending their own tax dollars to provide health services in poor neighborhoods. And banning guns. Heck, after this bill passes [my wife] Josephine can put away the Uzi, which she keeps on hand in case [D.C. Mayor] Vince Gray and his gang of felon thugs sneak across the [Arizona] border.”
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney again dodged questions about whether President Obama would finally lift the Bush-era prohibition on displaying D.C. plates [see photo inset] on the presidential Cadillac. “Don’t you guys have anything more important to talk about?” He asked. “You all know where the president stands on D.C., even though he hasn’t said anything publicly since 2008. I can’t tell you where we’ll come out on the new plates, but you have to admit they have a bipartisan look to them.”
Even national political figures were rushing to weigh in on H.R. 381, “The District of Columbia Anti-Poverty Economic Stimulus and National Tax Relief Act”. Former presidential contender Mitt Romney appeared to be generous toward D.C. “Only 7% of those guys voted for me [in the 2012 presidential election]”, Romney acknowledged. “But you’ve got to figure that the other 93% are slackers. Most of this $20 billion in tax relief will go where it’s really needed – to the lobbyists and
wealthy businessmen who supported me” [Ed. Note.: Fact Check reports that CBO data show that approximately one third of the tax burden is payroll taxes, which are disproportionately paid by non-wealthy wage earners]
Donald Trump, always eager to get in a word, called a special press conference and announced, “I’m not so keen on giving these clowns a break. Personally, I would fire all of them. Any smart businessman like me knows how to avoid these taxes, anyway. But the big deal of this deal is that it will end, once and for all, this
silliness of DC Statehood. Who knows, if that nonsense were to continue, the next thing you’d know is we’d have a flood of losers waving D.C. birth certificates and trying to run for president.”
